Wednesday, July 23, 2008 -

Wat's de hell wrong with me??!?!

Haish...

i'm now feeling low...no motivation to study...no joy in anything....no mood for anything...low morale...no SOB...yet can feel SOB sometimes...

I have no idea wat i'm doing...im losing control of myself...losing control of my own actions, thoughts, emotions...

The need for control...is so great...so great...

Suddenly, i realise i cant adapt fast enough...bloody...dis kind of feeling...it's so miserable...

I duno wats de real problem here...i dun noe anything...i dun wan to noe anything...i wan to noe everything...i dun wish to noe somethings...i wan to noe those things...

These few days, i just wants to slp early..i feel tired...yet i noe...im mentally, psychologically shutting myself down and shutting myself up... my eyes no longer wish to be open...i'm subconsciously avoiding...running away...im very sure if i fell unconscious, i will go straight into a coma...damn the negative tots...

wats the problem?? issit i've changed?? issit the world and its people have changed?? issit the feelings just not right anymore?? issit lack of chance??

I duno...i can laugh and smile...but it feels very hollow...jokes dun come naturally anymore...haish...dec 5, dec 19, feb 11, feb 21, perhaps they were all mistakes...and now is pay-back...

Damn it...

God, heaven, jesus, bhuddha, guan yin, whoever is there, whoever has heard me, whoever is kind enough....help me...save me...

My world just gets a little darker by de day...i nid some LIGHT...
someone..guide me...

7:11 PM